


Lost in Thoughts

by Kobayashi_Sakoori



Category: Tennis no Oujisama | Prince of Tennis
Genre: Character Study, Death, Gen, Past Relationship(s), Suicide, Suicide Notes, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2018-10-11 17:24:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10470222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kobayashi_Sakoori/pseuds/Kobayashi_Sakoori
Summary: Set two years into the future. Yukimura's thoughts on the people closest to him.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> (currently being simupublished on Fanfiction.net as well) This is mostly written because I wanted to write something with Yukimura in it. This took way more planning than what I normally do when I write, so hopefully there aren't many plot holes. There are some OCs within this fic, but they're mainly there for developmental purposes and for storyline. The story takes place when Yukimura and the rest of the third years are second years in high school. I'm pretending U-17 never happened, since it's easier that way, but there might be mentions of characters from that story arc.

**** It was just another boring day in April. The sun was out and the sky was a brilliant azure colour. Yukimura Seiichi lied in his hospital bed, staring out the window. Being on the third floor of the hospital was nothing eventful. It was too high up for him to see the ground, but too low for him to see anything flying by. He tried to reach for the glass of water on the table beside him, but found it much too difficult to grasp the glass firmly with his failing nerves and deteriorating muscles. The only other people in the room with him were his hospital roommate sleeping heavily after his third chemotherapy treatment and his own doctor.

“Yukimura-kun, do you want to drink your water?” Doctor Hayashi Kagerou asked him after she looked away from the other patient’s saline drip.

Yukimura nodded as he felt himself lose more control of his extremities. He managed to surround the glass with his fingers, though the grip was rather weak. Doctor Hayashi walks over and supports the bottom of the glass as he brought it closer to his mouth. He tries his best to drink it on his own with Doctor Hayashi watching carefully. Yukimura downs the whole glass in a matter of seconds, savouring the taste of the chilly water as it chilled his throat as it went down to sit in his stomach. He dropped the glass into his lap after he finished, as he could not support the weight of the glass anymore.

“It’s getting so much harder to do this, Doctor Hayashi.”

“Yes. Unfortunately, that’s a side effect of Guillain-Barré.”

“It’s a side effect of dying, you mean.”

“You are not going to die, Yukimura-kun. The chemicals just need more time to work.”

“Stop lying to me, Doctor Hayashi. You said that a few days ago, but that hasn’t happened. I can feel Him looming over me, waiting. I can feel it.”

“Please, just get some rest. The best way to fight off your sickness is sleep.”

“Nothing will save me from this demon, Doctor Hayashi. I’m sorry, but the medicine is failing. I won’t be around for much longer.”

“Please stop thinking so negatively, Yukimura-kun. It will work. Please, just believe in me. In the science.”

Yukimura tries to grab onto the hem of Doctor Hayashi’s lab coat with all the strength he could muster into his grip. He looked at her dead in her eyes. “I know when my time is up and it’s coming soon.”

Doctor Hayashi looked at his eyes, which were full of anger and fear. She sighs and reaches for his hands. She slowly pried his weak hands off of her and places them onto his bed. The fire and passion in his eyes disappeared and he became a hollow shell; empty and void of purpose. It pained her to know that he was right. The experimental medicine didn’t work. He was dying and there’s nothing that could be done. Despite the 95% survival rate of the treatment, Yukimura would be a part of the 5% that didn’t make it. He would become another statistic in the ongoing study. She knew his Guillain-Barré was more fast and complicated compared to anything else she has ever seen, but she tried out the experimental drug on him regardless. Yukimura knew she was lying to herself and refusing to accept the truth that he would be the first failure in her research. 

“I wrote some letters for people about a week ago.” Yukimura reached behind his pillow and pulled out the stack of envelopes, all bound together roughly with a dainty lilac ribbon. He tried to hand the stack to Doctor Hayashi, but the letters dropped onto the floor, scattering everywhere as the ribbon came undone. Doctor Hayashi kneeled and collected all the letters together and stood up. Yukimura’s eyes began to water as he fought off his frustrations. “Please give these to Yanagi-san when he comes to visit the next time. That’s all I want.”

“Yukimura-kun, why can’t you give these to Yanagi-san yourself?”

“Because I’ll be dead by the time he comes to visit me.”

“You are not going to be dead. Yanagi-san will be here tomorrow. You’ll see him.” She tried to hand the letters back, but Yukimura shook his head.

“It will be emotionally easier if you gave them to him. He’ll know what to do with them.”

Doctor Hayashi sighed as she put all the letters into her lab coat pocket. “If you say so, I’ll give these to Yanagi-san when I see him tomorrow.”

“You won’t be seeing him tomorrow because I know you will be seeing him later today.”

As the sun was setting, the orderly on the third floor was walking from room to room, delivering meals to patients. He arrived at Yukimura’s semi-private room, where the cancer patient had gone out to the courtyard to get some fresh air and Yukimura lied still as a rock in his bed. His breathing rate slowed to the point where he became a very dull and pale purple-grey. The orderly tried to stir him awake, but there was no response. His hand lightly touched his fingers, which were a very dark purple-blue and colder than the air around him. 

With a swift motion, the orderly pressed the panic button and began to do chest compressions as Doctor Hayashi and an army of nurses rushed into the room with the crash cart. One tried to give him a shot of adrenaline to jump start the heart and muscles as the rest of them charged up the paddles. After many unsuccessful attempts of trying to resuscitate him, one of the nurses found that the cannula in Yukimura’s nose was purposely cut at the connection to the respirator he was using to live. A pair of scissors were found under his bed.

He was long gone before anyone had the chance to see him go.

* * *

 

Yanagi Renji walked through the visitors’ entrance of the hospital and found his way to Yukimura’s room. He just had some unexplained discomfort in his gut that he could not rationalize unless he visited Yukimura. His eyes opened wide as he saw Yukimura’s family in the hallway outside of Yukimura’s room. Doctor Hayashi walked out of the room and sighed; a bitter and sallow face plastered over her usual determined demeanor.

  
Yukimura was right. Doctor Hayashi was going to see Yanagi today after all.


	2. Yanagi Renji

Yanagi quickly ran up to Doctor Hayashi. She turned around and had such a defeated look in her eyes.

“Yanagi-san, I’m sorry.”

Utter shock was the only way to describe Yanagi’s current state of being. Yukimura’s mother cried harder when Doctor Hayashi said those words as his father held onto her tightly, trying desperately to keep his composure. Yukimura’s little sister ran up to Yanagi and held him.

“Yanagi-senpai…”

Yanagi’s only response was to hold her in a tight embrace. “It’s okay, Hinoka.”

“No, Yanagi-senpai! It’s not okay! It’s not fair! Why did God take him away from us…”

“Yanagi-san,” Doctor Hayashi began, “I need to speak with you in private.”

“Yes. Please, just give me a moment, Doctor Hayashi.”

He looked down at Hinoka’s face, which was robbed of all spirit. Her eyes and nose were as red as the colour of her crimson dyed hair. Defeated, her arms fall down to to her sides as Yanagi supported her. He lead her to the bench that her parents were sitting on, trying his best to hold back his emotions. Snot and tears stained his white spring uniform shirt an ugly green-grey colour. He followed Doctor Hayashi down the hall and into her office. Doctor Hayashi closed the door behind them and sighed.

“Yanagi-san.”

“Doctor Hayashi.”

“I didn’t want to tell you this, but Yukimura-kun wanted me to give something to you in his stead.” Doctor Hayashi pulled out the letters that Yukimura had given her a few hours prior. “I would assume these are for you, but there are names here that I’m not familiar with.”

Yanagi reached out and took the pile of letters. He carefully analyzed the handwriting, which was clearly Yukimura’s feminine and shaky handwriting; a sign of nerve deterioration. “These…”

“Yes. He requested that I give these to you, since he claimed that you would know what to do with them.”

“I’m not sure what to say. What are these?”

“I didn’t look at anything, other than the names of a few of them. Whatever’s inside these envelopes is a mystery to me.”

Yanagi clutched onto the stack as tightly as he could. “This is all so sudden. How is he gone? This makes no sense. With the way his condition was progressing, he still had a few months left.”

Doctor Hayashi tried to hold back her sadness as he said that. “Yanagi-san, I’m not supposed to tell you this, but I don’t think I can tell his family how he truly died.”

“Why can you not tell his family, Doctor?”

Doctor Hayashi pulled out the cut cannula tube from her lab coat pocket. “He cut the cord. I didn’t find out until it was too late.”

“No.”

“A side effect of the medicine was delusions, but not like this. This was never supposed to have happened.”

Yanagi couldn’t stop himself from holding back any further. He slumped to his knees and grabbed onto his arms as the air in his lungs escaped in hiccups. The letters he was holding onto scattered across the floor in front of him. His body became physically ill as he tried to process what just happened. The sheer amount of denial and sorrow was overwhelming.

“I’m so sorry, Yanagi-san. I’m sorry,” Doctor Hayashi whispered hoarsely as she held him and cried alongside him.

* * *

After speaking with Yukimura’s parents, Yanagi came home rather late. Devoid of all energy, he dragged himself to his room. As he opened the door to his room, his parents stop him from entering.

“Renji, you look awful. What happened?” His mother gave him a light hug and a kiss on his forehead.

“I’m sorry, mother, father. I’m just not in the mood to talk to anyone right now. Yukimura-kun... “

His father quickly noticed what happened and motioned for his wife to let go and leave their grieving son alone. “We understand. Take your time, Renji, but please do not forget to take care of yourself.”

“Of course, father. I won’t forget to take care of myself.”

Yanagi walked into his room and closed the door. He threw his bag onto his bed and unpacked his books. He set them onto his desk and went back to lie in bed. He pulled out the stack of letters Doctor Hayashi had given him and looked through the entire stack of envelopes. They all had different motifs from popular themed stationery that companies liked to sell.

“There’s one addressed to Sanada, Akaya, the others, Atobe-san, Tezuka-san, Shiraishi-san, Echizen-kun, Hokama-san, Hinoka, his parents and Sawada-sensei. Yukimura must’ve wanted me to delivery them to these people,” Yanagi muttered to himself.

Yanagi sighed as he found the letter with his name. He flipped it over to open it carefully. A small, blue star-shaped sticker was keeping the envelope sealed. He ran his thumb under the flap and lifted it. Pulling out the folded stack of paper, he opened it slowly, as if fearing the contents inside.

‘ _Yanagi Renji, how are you?_ ’ the letter began. ‘ _Please forgive me for my awful handwriting. I’m still sick._ ’

He smiled fondly. “It’s quite unlike you to apologize for something like that, Seiichi.”

‘ _How should I begin this letter? You know everything about me, Mister Data Master. Well, almost everything. I’m assuming that you have figured out I cut the tube to my cannula and suffocated, due to my inability to use my autonomic nervous system?_ ’

“Yes, I have,” Yanagi said out loud, as if he was having a conversation with the words on the pieces of paper. “But, why would you do that?”

‘ _I’m sorry. I just can’t live like this. I was lied to the moment I was diagnosed in middle school. Guillain-Barré is incurable with the medicine we have right now. The best I could do is learn to live with it, but that’s just a burden I did not wish to bear on my own nor did I wish to give the burden to others. I’m selfish and I’m okay with that._ ’

“We wouldn’t have minded if we had to bear the burden if that meant you staying with us, Seiichi.”

‘ _You probably said something stupid like how everyone wouldn’t have minded if you all had to bear my sickness as a burden. You guys don’t have the pride that I have. Being unable to do things on my own. Having people constantly care about be living. Just everything about having this sickness is draining. I’ll never be able to return to my old form again. My nerves would continue to deteriorate. They would never repair and recover from the damage my own body did to them. That’s just the nature of autoimmunes._ ’

A frown begins to form with his lips. Yanagi felt like he was being read like a book.

_‘I got sick of being unable to breathe on my own, since the nerves that helped me breathe were the first ones to go. I knew my time was up, so I wrote these about a week before I decided to end my life in a discrete manner. I’m assuming that you’re the only one who knows of this. My parents would be devastated if they found out it was suicide and not because of my sickness. Please keep it a secret from everyone else. Not everyone can rationalize and keep a calm demeanor like you can, Renji._ ’

“That’s too selfish of you, Seiichi, but a promise is a promise. Even to a dead man, I will take this to my grave.”

‘ _Now that you’re all caught up with my reasonings, I guess I should go on and talk about everything else._ ’

Yanagi flipped the page over and continued to read.

‘ _I don’t really remember how exactly we met and when that really happened, but you fascinated me the moment you spoke to me. The way you were able to read anyone and everyone like a book was just so amazing. Mitsuya-senpai must’ve been even more of a master compared to you if you learned Data Tennis from him._ ’

“Akuto-niisan was a very good teacher. He did teach me everything I knew.”

Yanagi pondered about the day he first met Yukimura and how his feminine appearance threw him off guard.

* * *

It was the first day of middle school. The light drizzle of rain hit the window of Class 1-E, decorating the glass with millions of little droplets. Yanagi sat quietly in his seat, writing notes and tactics in a small book. He didn’t notice Yukimura sit down in the seat beside him as he scribbled down confusing and complex equations. Yukimura peered over Yanagi’s shoulder and watched as he used more and more confusing numbers and symbols to try and calculate the acceleration of a ball being hit at some obscure angle with an even more obscure body position. Yanagi stared at the next line of the problem, unable to figure out why the math wasn’t working out.

“I think you forgot to carry the Epsilon in this line here,” Yukimura said as he pointed at some point in the middle of the disorganized solution.

“You’re right.” Yanagi quickly scratched out everything and wrote over his previous solution with a red pen. Finally reaching the solution, he set his pen down and sighed. “Thank you for that.”

Yukimura smiled. “Glad I could help. I’m-”

“Yukimura-san, isn’t it? I have heard something about you on my way here. Yanagi Renji.”

“Yukimura Seiichi. It’s nice to meet you, Yanagi-san.”

“Likewise.”

“You’re into tennis, Yanagi-san?”

“Yes. I’m actually looking forward to trying out for the team later this week.”

“Good luck then, Yanagi-san.”

“Thank you, Yukimura-san.”

When Saturday came, Yanagi gathered at the courts on Rikkai’s campus along with about 50 other freshmen trying out for the club. The seniors were relentless against the newcomers, but only a few managed to survive the onslaught; Yanagi and Yukimura were among the five that kept up with the pace. The others that survived turned out to be the main core of the team a year later, but Yanagi would never know this until a few months later.

Yanagi turned to look at the others, who were all just as tired as he was, but with a fire inside that could not be put out. Just as their determination has reached its highest, the captain of the team called it quits for the day, as he’s seen enough to make his choice. All the freshmen sighed heavily as they collapsed. Yanagi fell to his knees as he tried to catch his breath. Yukimura walked over and sat down beside him, rubbing his hand on Yanagi’s back.

“You did good today, Yanagi-san.”

“Likewise, Yukimura-san.” Yanagi managed to steady his breathing before a realization hit him. He turned to look at Yukimura, confused and shocked. “Wait. Yukimura-san, you’re-”

“Not a girl? Yes, I’m aware of my appearance, but I really am a boy.”

Yanagi felt his throat closing in and his face heat up. “I’m sorry. I-”

Yukimura laughed. “It’s fine, Yanagi-san. Everyone makes this mistake.”

“I feel so stupid. Yukimura-san-”

“Call me Seiichi. And I’ll call you Renji. You can make it up to me by being the analyst for the team because I plan on taking over as the captain very soon.”

* * *

Yanagi snapped out of his trance. He looked at the clock on his nightstand and realized it was 9 AM the next day. He was about to panic, thinking that he slept through half of first period until he remembered it was the second day of Golden Week. Rubbing his eyes, he sat up and stretched his arms. The pages from Yukimura’s letter fell to the floor sometime that night. They were crumpled, mostly from the tossing and turning as he slept. He picked them off the ground and begin to reorder the pages again. As soon as he found his spot, he continued to read.

‘ _You were always a great friend and a wonderful person to vent to. I could never tell Sanada half the things I tell you. I like to think that you wanted to listen because you were a good friend and not because you just wanted more data. I bitch like every girl on campus and gossip nonstop about everything tennis related. That must’ve helped us win the high school regionals and get to the finals of the high school Nationals. At least, I hope it did._ ’

“Hate to admit it, but your big mouth really did help me compile a strategy against all the teams. I was never really interested in a lot of the stuff you were saying.”

Yanagi put the letter on his nightstand and walked to his closet. He picked up his towel and went into the bathroom to take a quick shower, since he didn’t get a chance to the night before. He spent longer than usual in the shower, as he thought more and more about Yukimura. How he was just gone from his life and how he was never going to see him again.

“You were always suffering, weren’t you, Seiichi?”

* * *

Yanagi reminisced about one fateful visit to the hospital. It had been a few weeks since Yukimura got admitted again for the same disease that put him out of commission for the entire Kanto regionals in junior high. This time was different and they both knew that.

“Renji, I feel so helpless. I can’t do anything about this feeling. It’s eating me alive, like the demon inside me.”

Yanagi gave Yukimura a confused look. “Seiichi, what do you mean?”

“God gave me the power steal senses. I abused the power. Now, He’s taking my senses away from me.”

He stared at the sickly boy with confusion. “Seiichi, are you sure you're okay?”

“Absolutely not.” Yukimura’s eyes wandered around, as if they were following something. “It must be nice to be sane, Renji.”

“Seiichi-”

Yukimura reached out with his hands and tried to grasp the air. He kept frantically grabbing at nothing, which confused Yanagi more and more. “Why can't I grab these leaves?” The last sparkle of hope disappeared from his eyes as he realized that there was nothing there but a hallucination.

Yanagi had a look of worry permanently plastered on his face from that day forward.

* * *

Yanagi’s attention came back to reality when he heard a pounding on the door.

“Renji, get out of there! I have to use the bathroom too, you know,” his older sister said in a rather annoyed tone.

He turned off the shower. “Sorry. Just give me a minute.” He hopped out and quickly wrapped his towel around his waist. He opened the door and quickly went into his room. His sister just gave him a worried look as she watched his distractions take over his mind.

Yanagi quickly dried himself before casting the towel into a laundry basket in the corner of his room. He walked over to his closet and pulled out some comfortable clothes to wear. Returning to the letter, he sighed as he flipped it to the next page.

‘ _You were just being nice to me and for that, I am thankful that we got to meet in my short life. Thank you for being such a good friend, Renji. I really am going to miss having someone to vent all my frustrations to. I’m not too sure about this afterlife thing, but I don’t think I’ll find anyone else in the spirit world who had the same amount of patience as you._ ’

By now, the amount of tears he shed had dried out his tear ducts, but the pain from crying began to form again.

‘ _It’s okay to show more emotion, Renji. I know you’re very aloof, but you don’t have to be like Sanada. Everybody cries. It can be tears of joy or sadness or anxiety or just anything. Don’t bottle it in or you’ll make everyone around you worry, but don’t show weakness to your opponents, obviously._ ’

Yanagi’s vision clouded up as he flipped over the page, relieved that it was the end of the letter.

‘ _Lastly, I have one request. You seem to know where everyone is at any given moment, which is a problem for some people, but a benefit for me. Doctor Hayashi must’ve given you about fifteen or sixteen letters? I don’t really remember how many I plan on writing, since this is the first one. I am entrusting you with all of them. Please deliver them in whatever way you can. I’m counting on you._

_Farewell, Yanagi Renji. Hopefully, we’ll meet again someday and hopefully, my body doesn’t fail me the next time that happens. -Yukimura Seiichi_ ’

Yanagi folded up the letter and placed it back inside the envelope it came in. He got up and set it on his desk. Turning to the pile of letters that was already sitting there, Yanagi decided to take the stack and spend the rest of Golden Week trying getting these letters to everyone. He wiped his face with a tissue and took the letters and put them into his messenger bag. He headed out of the house leisurely. There was no hurry to deliver all of them quickly because he would have to mail out some anyways. His feet took him to the station, where he got onto a train and rode it to the station closest to where everyone else lived. The first letter he was going to deliver was to someone he felt he couldn’t leave alone during this time of grief. Finding the house, he walked around to the back, where he found her sitting by the pool with her legs dipped into the cool, blue water.

  
“Hinoka-san? Do you have a moment?”


	3. Yukimura Hinoka

Yukimura Hinoka decided when she woke up that morning, she would sit by the poolside and leave her feet in the water. She never really thought about why she wanted to do that. She only acted and never thought. That was just something that she was known for. Yanagi walked from the front of the house to the back, where he found her just staring blankly at plants with no evidence of focus.

"Hinoka-san? Do you have a moment?" Yanagi called out.

Hinoka was lost in thought and she didn't hear Yanagi call out to her. She stared at her feet, which were shriveled up from being stuck in a pool for what seemed like hours. Her face was devoid of all joy and she wasn't her normal, _chuuni_ self. Yanagi walked over and sat down beside her. He took off his sneakers and rolled up his pant legs and plunged them into the pool, startling her back to reality.

"Ah! Yanagi-senpai, you startled me. Why are you so mean?"

"I'm not being mean, Hinoka-san. I just came here to talk to you. I had a feeling you would be here."

"That's because you're evil and you have mystical psychic powers."

Yanagi laughed a little. "I wouldn't say I'm psychic, Hinoka-san. Why is your wrist not wrapped up today? Did you banish Belphegor from possessing you?"

"Yanagi-senpai, Belphegor isn't real. Seiichi-niichan wouldn't like it if I kept acting like that. Seiichi-niichan wouldn't-"

Yanagi wrapped his arm around her and held her head close to his chest as Hinoka buried her face in her hands and began to sob. She was making a mess of herself, but she lost all ability to care. Yanagi rubbed her arm to try and comfort her.

"Seiichi-niichan… Why did you have to leave? Come back, please…"

"I know how you feel, Hinoka-san. I miss him too. Everyone does."

"It's not fair. The illness was supposed to go away with the surgery. Why did he die? Why?"

It pained Yanagi to withhold the information, but Hinoka would be devastated if she knew what really happened. Being in her unstable state of mind, Yanagi knew nothing good will come out of it. Plus, the promise he made to post mortem Yukimura would be broken if he told anyone else.

"I just wish I was there the moment he died. I never got to say goodbye properly."

"We all do, Hinoka-san. No one was there until it was too late." Yanagi took a pause. "They didn't see it coming."

They sat in silence as the sun came out from hiding behind the clouds. Its intense rays shone down onto the cerulean blue water, reflecting its blinding light onto the two of them. Hinoka broke free of Yanagi's weak hold on her and walked into the shade. Yanagi stood up and followed suit. As she sat down, Yanagi pulled out Yukimura's letter and handed it to her.

"What's this, Yanagi-senpai?"

"It's a letter for you. I was told to give it to you. I'm not sure what the contents are, but this is definitely for you."

Hinoka accepted the letter from Yanagi, curious as to what exactly the contents are. "Thank you for going through the trouble, Yanagi-senpai."

"Cheer up, Hinoka-san. Seiichi may have found your _chuuni_ self annoying, but he really liked it deep down." Yanagi got up, walked to the pool and grabbed his shoes, put them on and rolled down his pant legs. "I'll be taking my leave now, but please don't hesitate to call me if you need a shoulder to cry on."

"I'll keep that in mind, Yanagi-senpai. Thank you."

Yanagi bowed slightly before leaving in silence. Hinoka returned her attention to the mysterious envelope, which had a very familiar theme to it.

"Isn't this my stationery? It looks so familiar."

Hinoka took the letter and went inside the house. She ran up to her room and grabbed her big box of stationery and letter sets. Some of the things inside disappeared and she finally knew why and where they went.

"Seiichi-niichan stole them, didn't he?"

Hinoka put the lid back on the box and shoved the box under her bed. She picked up the letter and plopped onto her bed. Sighing, she carefully opens the envelope, as she wanted to save it for later.

' _Hello Hinoka, Warrior Princess of Neo-Yggdrasil. Have you conquered the demon Belphegor and rid him from possession?_ '

"Seiichi-niichan! This handwriting…"

' _I assume you are shocked that you received this letter from Yanagi, yes? Just reading what I just wrote is making me cringe._ '

"Seiichi-niichan…"

Hinoka held the letter close to her chest as her eyes started to water. She steadied her breathing by inhaling and exhaling slowly before she continued.

' _By now, I must be dead. That's why you're reading this letter right now. Please don't cry right now. I thought you were the strong, brash warrior princess you promised me you were. Of course, that is if you still believe in that chuuni persona of your's._ '

Hinoka just stared at the page. She wasn't really reading what Yukimura wrote, but she was just staring at the word _chuuni_. All she could think about was that word and the past it held.

* * *

Yukimura was just 3 years old when Hinoka was born. He always knew he had to be a role model and watch over his little sister. It was just an accepted role in his life that he had to take. As he watched Hinoka grow, he watched a flame of passion and brashness be lit inside. With the brashness, he noted a distinctive personality attached with it.

On Hinoka's fourth birthday, she came up to Yukimura with a passionate aura around her that seemed to fill his bedroom with a strange feeling of warmth.

"Seiichi-niichan! I'm a princess!"

"Oh? Is that so, Hinoka?"

"Yes! But I'm not just any princess. I'm a warrior princess from Neo-Yggdrasil! I have been sent here by Odin himself to protect you, the Child of the Gods!"

Yukimura just ruffled her hair and laughed. "Thank you, Hinoka, but I don't need any protection right now. I'm fine."

Hinoka pouted. "Just you wait, Seiichi-niichan! I'll show you!"

* * *

Cringing at the thought, Hinoka returned to the letter, partially fearful of what was to come.

'I _missed that side of you, even though I found it so annoying. I really hated when you acted like a chuuni, but I was able to bear it because of the smile you had on your face. I really enjoyed looking at your smile. You stopped acting like that after I got hospitalized again. Why?_ '

"I stopped because I'm too old for that stuff now. I thought you found it annoying too. That's why I stopped."

* * *

When Yukimura was hospitalized the first time around, Hinoka's attitude started to change. No one seemed to notice at first, but Yukimura seemed to have caught on rather quickly. One day after school, Hinoka was alone with him in his room. Yukimura decided to bring it up.

"You seem gloomy today, Warrior Princess," he mocked.

Hinoka stared blankly into space. Yukimura clapped his hands together in front of her face, startling her. "Ah!"

"There you are. Will you stop zoning out and looking like a ghost? That's my job."

"Seiichi-niichan, please stop being so mean."

"Nonsense. I'm not being mean. What's wrong, Hinoka? It's not like you to be like this."

"Nothing's wrong. I just have… A vision." She tried to reassure herself. 'Yeah. A vision."

"A vision of what? Are you sure you're not sick like me?"

"Yes! The spirits are just… Talking to me! Yeah!"

Yukimura could easily see through her terrible attempt at lying, but he didn't bother to point it out. "Is that so? What are the spirits saying then?"

"Nothing much. They hope you get better, but they can't help you fight the illness."

"I see." Yukimura quickly glanced at the clock on the wall. "It's getting late. You should head home before it gets dark. Should I call Sanada or Yanagi and have one of them walk you home?"

"No, no. I'll be fine, Seiichi-niichan." Hinoka stood up and grabbed her stuff. "See you tomorrow, Seiichi-niichan."

"See you later, Hinoka."

After Hinoka left the room, Yukimura stopped and thought about their interaction. She suddenly lost the _chuuni_ persona and went back to being a normal human being. He felt slightly disheartened, but he shook his head. He knew it was for the better because she can't keep acting like this forever.

* * *

After Yukimura got released from his first stay, Hinoka reverted back to her usual _chuuni_ self, though it was less pronounced than it was before he got sick.

"The Child of the Gods had returned once again!"

"Hello to you too, Hinoka."

Yukimura's father huffed as he placed down the large suitcase in the foyer of the house. "You should have seen her when you were gone, Seiichi. She was so quiet that we thought she was getting sick too!" He laughed a little before picking up the suitcase again and headed up the stairs to Yukimura's room.

Hinoka pouted. "Why are you so mean, dad?"

Yukimura ruffled her hair. "I missed you too, squirt. Even if you did come to visit me, it didn't feel the same."

Hinoka grinned from ear to ear. "What are you talking about, Seiichi-niichan? I'm still the same person!"

"Oh, I know. It's refreshing, yet annoying."

* * *

When Yukimura got hospitalized for the second time, Hinoka did a complete 180 with her persona. She didn't even try to actively hide it this time, which worried Yukimura immensely. Her eyes were just hollow and empty every time she would come to see him, but her smile would make anyone second guess how she truly felt. Both himself and Kirihara noticed this sudden change in behaviour.

"Yukimura-buchou, I'm really worried about your sister."

"I am too, Akaya. She always gets so depressed when she comes here. I'm wondering if she's starting to think that I'm going to kick the can."

"That's not possible, Yukimura-buchou! The doctors said that this treatment will cure you!"

"They also said that the last time, Akaya. Look where I am now."

Kirihara's phone went off. A few texts from Hinoka popped up on the small screen, asking if Kirihara wanted to go visit Yukimura with her. He quickly texted back something along the lines of 'already here' before putting the phone down on the table beside Yukimura's bed.

"I just don't know what to do about her, Yukimura-buchou. Your sister's a wonderful person and I can't stand to see her like this."

"Me neither." Yukimura turned to look at Kirihara dead in the eyes. "Hey, haven't you been getting a little too friendly with her?"

Kirihara's face burned up. "We're just friends, Yukimura-buchou!"

Yukimura laughed. "I know. I'm just teasing." A sigh slipped through his pale, cracked lips. "I just wish she would stop looking so gloomy. It's hard to see her like that."

"I know what you mean, Yukimura-buchou. Maybe she'll get over it soon. It's only been a week since you ended up here. Maybe she just needs some time."

"I hope so, Akaya."

Hinoka's attitude never changed from that state. She kept up the act until the day he died.

* * *

' _Whatever the reason may be, I really did miss how cheery you were. It made me feel better, despite all the pain I was going through while I was alive. It hurt me. Even if you did give up that life, I still wish you would've smiled when you came to visit. You always had such a somber look on your face, like I was already dead. Obviously, I'm dead now, but back when I was still kicking._ '

"I'm sorry, Seiichi-niichan. I didn't know."

' _I'm going to assume you're apologizing for something you didn't know and it's okay. I forgive you because there's no way to hold a grudge post mortem against your own flesh and blood._ '

Hinoka crawled under her blankets with the letter and curled into the fetal position. She continued to digest the contents of the letter, trying to block off any more emotional responses.

' _I can't stay mad at you, Hinoka. I can't. Even if I'm mad at you for not being cheerful despite the fact that I was dying, it's unjustified for me to be angry. In the end, you're losing more from me than I'm losing from you._ '

Confused, she flipped the page over.

' _I'm never going to be able to watch you graduate junior high school and high school. I'm never going to see you fall in love with a boy and have to threaten him if he ever dares to hurt you. I'm never going to see your excitement as you get accepted into university. I'm never going to watch you marry and have children. I already failed at being your older brother because I was never able to protect you, especially when I was hospitalized. I'm never going to be able to do any of these things. I'm only losing one thing from you, but you're losing everything from me. And for that, I'm sorry, Hinoka. I'm sorry I'm taking everything away from you. I'm sorry I'm taking your older brother away from you._ '

By now, Hinoka was hysterical. Yukimura's words stung so much and they were just too much to handle. Her heavy and sporadic breathing made it hard to stay conscious. She felt so helpless and in pain. With the last ounce of sanity she had left, she quickly grabbed her phone and dialed the last number to call her before her hyperventilated breathing and endless amount of tears made her vision darker and cloudier until there was nothing but darkness.

* * *

Hinoka woke up a few hours later with Yanagi sitting at the edge of her bed, cleaning up her face with a wet towel.

"Yanagi-senpai?"

Yanagi looked up from his page. "Hinoka-san. Are you okay?"

"What happened? Why are you here?" She sat up and rubbed her eyes, which felt red and puffy and painful.

"Judging by the fact that you called me, didn't say anything, the puffiness of your eyes and how blue your fingers seem to be, I would say you had a panic attack. I never actually left your property because I had a feeling you wouldn't be okay if you were left alone."

"A panic attack? What's that?"

Yanagi put the cloth down on her nightstand. "It's complicated to explain, but it's what you experienced a few hours ago. The fear and the hysteria seemed to have triggered it. Was it something inside Seiichi's letter to you?"

Suddenly, Hinoka remembered what Yukimura wrote in the letter. She felt the emotions come back to her, but Yanagi quickly pulled her into a tight embrace.

"Seiichi-niichan said he was sorry… He was sorry he couldn't be my older brother anymore…"

Yanagi was stroking her crimson hair, which seemed to have dulled from the night before. She steadied her breathing until she let out an audible sigh.

"Do you feel better now, Hinoka-san?"

"Yes. Thank you for being here, Yanagi-senpai. I'm sorry I'm troubling you."

"Nonsense. No one should have to go through this alone."

Hinoka smiled sadly. She picked up the pages she dropped. "I guess I should finish reading this. It's the least I can do."

"I'll give you some privacy, then. I apologize in advance, but I have to go find someone before it gets too late. Your parents will be home in a few minutes, so you won't be alone for too long. I expect they will bring home news about the funeral and visitation. Please, do let me know if that is the case."

"I will, Yanagi-senpai. Thank you again."

Yanagi bowed slightly and exited her room. The front door opened and she heard her parents walk through with the sound of exhaustion in their every step. Hinoka heard a small conversation go on between Yanagi and her parents, though she could not make out any words. She gets up and shuts her door and returns to her bed. Pulling the blankets over her body, she flipped to the final page to finish the letter.

'I _really am glad I got to meet you in the short time I was alive, Hinoka. Even if I couldn't be the older brother I was supposed to be, I'm really glad you were the little sister I always wanted you to be. Well, minus the whole chuuni thing, but let's forget about that. If there's one thing I want you to do for me as my final request, it's to smile more. You're still my little sister. You don't need to bear the heavy burden of growing up quickly. Please smile more and enjoy the little time you have left as a junior high school student. That's all I wish from you._ '

"You want me to smile more, Seiichi-niichan? Is that all you want from me?"

' _Oh, and do keep this letter a secret from mother and father. This is just between you and me, okay? From older brother to younger sister. It'll be our little secret, okay?_ '

Hinoka nodded at the words he wrote. She smiled weakly.

' _I love you, Hinoka. Please never forget that. I may not be with you physically, but I'll always be watching over you. Goodbye. Sincerely Yours, Yukimura Seiichi-niichan_ '

Hinoka smiled as the last of her tears trickled down her cheeks. She held the letter close to her chest as she sighed, trying to keep herself together.

"Thank you, Seiichi-niichan. Thank you."

Hinoka's mother knocked on her bedroom door. "Hinoka? Are you in there?"

"Yes, mom. I'm in here."

"Are you okay? Look, I know Seiichi's death was so sudden and-"

"Yes, mom. Believe it or not, I'm fine. I found peace with Seiichi-niichan's spirit today and he's telling me to keep my head high," she lied.

Hinoka's mother sighed softly, showing no signs of suspicion. "Alright then. Your father and I finished the funeral arrangements for your brother and we want to discuss them with you. Please come downstairs when you're ready, okay?"

"Alright. I'll be down soon."

Hinoka got up and looked at herself in the standing mirror. She slapped her cheeks twice before opening the door and walking downstairs.

* * *

It's only a few minutes past sunset but Yanagi managed to find a borderline sketchy eSports café where he knew a certain someone was going to be. He walked into the musty store, where his nose was immediately assaulted by the stench of sweat and other bodily fluids. He scanned the whole store before finding the only kid with the messiest hair.

"Kirihara."

Kirihara Akaya did not hear Yanagi through the headset and earbuds he was wearing. All he did was madly click his mouse and shoot some characters down in the game he was playing.


	4. Kirihara Akaya

Chapter 3: Kirihara Akaya “HEADSHOT!” Kirihara shouted as he continued to move in the game, shooting more character models. “ _ I bomb planting A site. Cover! _ ” he said in broken English as he held down a key and watched his in game model punch in a code into a rather terribly designed explosive.

 

A warning screen came up, saying that the bomb has been planted and that there is 40 seconds until detonation. He moved his character behind a box, waiting for the enemy team to come and defuse the bomb. As he heard the sound of the defuse, he would pop out and shoot them down. Sometimes, they would find him before he even had a chance.

 

That was the new life and sport for Kirihara Akaya. He wasn’t playing tennis anymore as all of his free time has been dedicated to this game. He lived and breathed CounterStrike.

 

Kirihara never made the cut for the Rikkai high school tennis team, so he fell into recluse. It was during this slump that he accidentally stumbled across a livestream of European boys playing a video game for a prize pool of $1 million. The amount of fire and passion that the players could put into a game and their playstyle grabbed his attention. The huge crowd that gathered to watch excited him even more. The fact that there was virtually no Asian talent within the scene motivated him the most.

 

It was from that moment on that he would give up tennis and all his aspirations to pursue a career in becoming a professional CounterStrike player.

 

Much to his teammates’ dismay, he decided he was going to get good at the game and challenge the top of the scene one day. Not even Sanada threatening him would stir him away from his new dream. Besides, the best part about becoming pro in a video game is the lack of borderline supernatural abilities needed to win. The only challenge is getting the Japanese scene bigger, since the only popular esport in Japan is League of Legends. Even so, that scene is small too.

 

Kirihara is oblivious to the fact that his former captain is gone. He’s been playing and practicing non-stop that he hasn’t even bothered to check the time. His phone was going off like crazy, displaying notifications for several messaging apps, but his focus was 100% on the game. Yanagi let out a sigh of defeat, reached for the headset he was wearing and yanked it off his head while simultaneously shutting off the monitor in front of him.

 

“Kirihara, please quit your game. We need to talk.”

 

Kirihara turned around. “Yanagi-senpai?! What the hell, man? I was so close to ranking up to SMFC!”

 

Yanagi looked at him in a way that sent chills down Kirihara’s spine. “Kirihara, we need to talk. And not just me, but everyone else who sent you a message.” Yanagi picked up Kirihara’s phone and showed him his screen.

 

“Why is everyone messaging me? I told you guys that I wasn’t coming back.”

 

“We know you aren’t. That’s not why everyone is messaging you. Now, come. It’s time to go home and I have to tell you something.”

 

“Fuck off, Yanagi-senpai. It’s not late. I can stay here all I want. This esports café is 24/7. As long as I’m paying, I’m staying.”

 

“Kirihara, this is important. It’s about Yukimura-”

 

“I don’t care, Yanagi-senpai. Yukimura-buchou can beg all he wants, but I am not returning to tennis. My passion is CounterStrike. Him being sick won’t sway me into returning. Sanada-fukubuchou even said I wasn’t fit for the team when I tried out a month ago.”

 

“Sanada said you wouldn’t be placed on a regular position until you impro-”

 

“Yeah, which is why I left. If I can’t be the star, then it’s not fun for me anymore. In this game, I can be a star player. This game is fun. You’re not changing my mind, Yanagi-senpai. Now, let me get back to my game.”

 

Yanagi rubbed his temples with his fingers. He pulled out the letter Yukimura had written for him and shoved it into Kirihara’s hand. “My intentions were to not talk you into playing tennis again. My intentions were to tell you about this letter. It’s from Yukimura. Seeing as you won’t listen to me, I’ll let you figure it out on your own. Goodbye, Kirihara.” Yanagi stiffened his back and quickly left the café.

 

Kirihara took one look at the letter and tossed it beside his monitor. He put his headset back on and turned the screen back on. “ _ Sorry. Fucking ganked by classmate. Rush A? _ ”

* * *

 

Kirihara managed to play for another four hours. It was almost 1 AM by the time his tenth game was played. Sighing, he logged out of the computer and picked up his stuff. He forgot about the letter until the shopkeeper stopped him before he left.

 

“Hey, kid. You forgot something back at your counter.”

 

“What? No, I didn’t.”

 

“Yes, you did. Your senpai came in and gave you an envelope before leaving. I have never seen a man be so calm while so angry. You know the rules. Nothing can be left by a computer before you leave.”

 

Fuming, Kirihara went back and picked up the envelope and shoved it into his pocket before leaving the café. The shopkeeper just shook his head as he watched him leave. Kirihara walked to the station before realizing the last train back to his place had already left. Cursing to himself, he took out his phone to try and call someone to bail him out. Greeting him was a plethora of notifications and text messages; almost all of them from his former teammates and his family. Irritated, he opened up his conversation with Marui, who had been spamming him nonstop since the day Yukimura passed.

 

_ OI SQUIRT. DID YOU HEAR THE NEWS YET?  _

 

“What news?” was Kirihara’s initial reaction. He opened up his chat with Niou.

 

_ I can’t believe what just happened. Are you okay? _

 

“What happened? Why are these messages so vague?” He quickly opened up his chat with Yanagi.

 

_ Kirihara, I need to talk to you about Yukimura. He wrote a letter for you and I need to give it to you. _

 

Kirihara suddenly remembered the letter that was in his pocket. He quickly dug it out, dropping bits of candy wrappers and used train tickets onto the concrete station grounds in the process. He unraveled it, looking at the way his name was written.

 

“Yukimura-buchou’s handwriting? Why the hell did he write me a letter? Can’t he just call, like a normal person?”

 

Kirihara ripped the envelope and pulled out the pages of the letter. He sat down on the stairs leading up to the platform and began to read.

 

‘ _ Kirihara Akaya, I’m disappointed in you. _ ’

 

He scoffed. “What would you know, Yukimura-buchou?”

 

‘ _ I’m going to assume you said something along the lines of ‘what the hell do I know’, or something of that nature. I’ll just get straight to the point, Akaya. _ ’

 

“What point?”

 

‘ _ I’m dead, Akaya. I died probably two or three days ago, but I’m assuming you didn’t know until now. _ ’

 

Kirihara felt his gut twist. “You’re kidding, right?”

 

‘ _ I’m not kidding, Akaya. I truly am dead. The death wasn’t planned, but seeing as you stopped caring about your former teammates, I’m assuming you just ignored all the text messages from everyone saying that I’m dead. I’m telling you now that I’m dead. If you need further proof, the funeral is probably going to happen next week and Yanagi had already texted you the date, time and place. My dead body will be there, so there’s even more concrete proof. _ ’

 

“This is some sort of sick joke, isn’t it? Yukimura-buchou can’t be dead. He was fine the last time I saw him!”

 

Kirihara took out his phone and scrolled down the chat with Yanagi, ignoring all the texts from him saying that Yukimura passed. Surely enough, Yanagi had given him the date, time and location of the funeral. This only made Kirihara feel more uneasy. He looked at the next line in the letter.

 

‘ _ If you need even more proof, I have a feeling Hinoka sent you some frantic messages the night I died. _ ’

 

Kirihara’s voicemail was filled with messages from Hinoka. He was hesitant to check them as he felt the knot grow tighter and tighter in his abdomen.

 

‘ _ I will assume I have made my point. Now I shall continue with the actual intention of this letter. _ ’

 

His hands felt clammy as he flipped the page over.

 

‘ _ I remember fondly the first day we met. You were so determined to beat the entire tennis team, who won the nationals. Obviously, the third years were terrible players and it was easy to beat them. The real threat was Yanagi, Sanada and myself. You learned that the hard way, didn’t you? _ ’

* * *

The day Kirihara decided he would take down the entire Rikkai tennis team was also the first day he watched them play. The day at the nationals was the day he was determined to get into the school. His grades were abysmal, but he somehow managed to ace the entrance exam with flying colours and enrolled in Rikkai. Whether it was by pure, stupid luck or not, he managed to get in and that’s all that mattered to him. One more step taken towards his goal of dominating the best junior high school tennis team.

 

That was something typical with Kirihara. He would always get an ambition to be the best in something, but he would always lose the ambition if something doesn’t go right along the way. This was always true no matter what. He’s oblivious to this fact, just like he is with everything else in his life. He would always give up in the end and this time was no different from the rest.

 

After school, he stormed onto the courts with his racket in hand and a spark inside. He was determined to cut down anyone that stood in his path. Game after game, he tired out all the regulars without even breaking a sweat. He smirked triumphantly. 

 

“Is that seriously the best you guys can do? Is this  _ really _ the legendary Rikkai tennis team?” he taunted.

 

“What’s all the commotion about?” a voice called out from behind.

 

Kirihara turned around to be greeted by Yukimura Seiichi as he walked up to him. Yukimura’s feminine demeanor made him look more disgusted. 

 

“Who are  _ you _ ?”

 

“I should be asking you that, since you’re disrupting practice.”

 

“I thought this was the legendary Rikkai tennis team, but you guys aren’t even the real deal. You’re weak.”

 

“Oh? Is that so?” A chilling smile formed on Yukimura’s face. “How about you play against Sanada, then?”

 

“Against HIM?” Kirihara pointed his finger at Sanada. “Fine, but it’ll just be a waste of time.”

 

It did not take Sanada Genichirou much time until he crushed Kirihara’s spirit. Soon after, that weakened spirit was crushed even more by Yukimura and Yanagi.

* * *

’ _ You had so much potential, Akaya. I was excited when I played you for the first time. You were surprisingly good, even though I totally beat and embarrassed you. I knew I wanted you on the team. I just had to have you on the team. You were the only person I would want to lead the team when I graduated. That’s why I decided to accept you into a regular position. Sanada wanted you for your raw skill, but I wanted you for your passion on top of your skill. _ ’

* * *

Embarrassed from losing to the three demons, Kirihara doubled his efforts into training. He would not lose again to them. Anger fueled his fiery passion and there was no one around to put out the flames. As Yukimura watched him train from the rooftop garden that week, he chuckled a little. 

 

“That boy sure is something.”

 

Sanada gave him a confused look. “What do you mean by that, Yukimura?” 

 

“Look at that passion. Sanada, I want him on the team. He’ll be a good captain when I graduate.”

 

“I hate to kill your dreams, Seiichi, but Kirihara Akaya isn’t exactly the responsible type,” Yanagi chimed in.

 

“I’m aware of that, which is why I’ll find a responsible vice captain. You two worry too much. I know what I’m doing.”

 

Sanada snorted. “Captain or not, we cannot deny how good his raw skill is. He will be an asset with how aggressive his playstyle is.”

 

“I was thinking the same thing too, Sanada. Renji, what about you?”

 

“I’ll have to look into it more, but I will agree that we need new blood on the team. Perhaps he will change a lot if we pick him up.” Yanagi leaned over the railing and stared at the boy, who was frantically beating the ball at this point.

 

The next day, Kirihara marched right into Sanada’s classroom and shoved a letter onto his desk before storming out. Yukimura and Yanagi both looked at Kirihara as he left. Sanada picked up the letter and opened it. A look of disgust plastered his face.

 

“How the hell are you in first year and have handwriting this abysmal?!”

 

Yanagi put a hand on his shoulder. “Patience, Sanada. What does the letter even say?”

 

Yukimura leaned over. “I think it’s a request for a rematch.” He laughed softly, but deviously. “I’m quite excited. Aren’t you, Renji?”

 

“Quite interested. I hope to gain some valuable insight and data.”

 

Sanada folded the request up. “You both have too much faith in this kid. I’m going to crush him for this horrendous handwriting.”

 

Later that day, Kirihara showed up at the courts, awaiting the entrance of the three demons. His almost non-existent patience was wearing thin.

 

“Can they be any more late?! I just want to play!”

 

Kirihara waited for another five minutes before Sanada made his entrance into the courts. The demonic black aura that seemed to constantly encompass Sanada grew in size, which sent a slight chill down everyone’s spines. 

 

“Now you show up,” Kirihara said sarcastically.

 

“Learn to respect your elders.” Sanada threw his jacket onto the bench and pulled out his racket. “Show me what you are, Kirihara Akaya!”

 

After activating bloodshot mode for the first time, Sanada swiftly cut Kirihara down again in spite of it. Defeated, Kirihara sulked until Sanada approached him.

 

“Not bad. Maybe if you train for another ten years, perhaps you could stand a chance against me.”

 

“What the hell is it to you? I lost. I’ll leave you alone.”

 

“We talked about it was a team and decided we want you on a starting position.”

 

“What? You’re bullshitting me.”

 

“Yukimura himself said he wanted you on the team. You have potential and we are not stupid enough to let go of this opportunity. We hope you consider this offer, Kirihara Akaya.”

* * *

“Wow… Yukimura-buchou really had faith in me…” He felt his eyes well up as he continued.

 

‘ _ I was right to trust you when I did graduate. You lead the team to victory in the Kanto regionals and to the finals of the nationals. _ ’

 

“But I lost at the nationals to Zaizen’s team. That means nothing.”

 

‘ _ Even though you lost to Shitenhouji, I couldn’t be more proud. You took down Seigaku in the semis of the nationals and that’s all that mattered to me: revenge. A vendetta against the team that won against us the year before. _ ’

 

His nose felt like it was clogging up from the snot, so he sucked whatever was in his nostrils and let it fall into his stomach.

 

‘ _ Akaya, I can’t tell you how proud I am of you. That’s why it hurt me when you didn’t make the cut for the high school team. You just gave up and left, fell in love with CounterStrike and cut all communication with us. _ ’

 

“I didn’t give up on tennis… I just got bored of it…”

 

‘ _ I don’t buy that you lost interest. You’re such a quitter and you know it. You faced an impasse and you just quit. Don’t even try to deny that, Akaya. _ ’

 

“You’re wrong. What the hell would you know about me anyways? You’re not even alive anymore.”

 

‘ _ I will assume that you said something insulting and I’ll ignore it, since I don’t need to think about a comeback. I can’t change your mind now, especially since I’m dead and can’t lead the team anymore. If you’re going to pursue this career as a CounterStrike player, then I hope to God that you don’t give up when someone throws you a curveball. I know the scene is European dominated. I’ve seen those tournaments. It’ll be really hard for you to lead a team, especially a fully Japanese team. You’ll need to work on your English if you want any chance at breaking into the scene. Please, Akaya. Don’t give up on this. You’ll only be crushing yourself more and more if you do. You’re a prideful person and this will only kill you more. _ ’

* * *

“I’m quitting the team.”

 

Sanada felt something snap in his mind. “What?”

 

Kirihara slammed his jersey onto the table in the clubroom. “I. Quit.”

 

Niou smirked. “Nice trick, squirt.”

 

“It's not a trick, Niou-senpai.”

 

Yanagi pressed his hand on Kirihara’s forehead to check for a fever. “He's serious.”

 

Kirihara batted Yanagi’s hand away from him. “Of course I’m serious, Yanagi-senpai! You think I would joke about this?”

 

Marui flicked his finger against Kirihara’s forehead. “You’re not quitting this team, Akaya.”

 

“I can and I did!”

 

“Just, what exactly are you going to do with your free time?” Marui blew a small, green bubble between his thin lips. “Don’t tell me you’re serious about the whole esports thing.”

 

Kirihara stuck his finger in the bubble, popping it and covering Marui’s mouth. “And what if I am? I’m good at the game and it’s attracting people. People with money and offers to play.”

 

Niou laughed in his face. “You’ve got to be kidding me! Esports is not a real thing! Not here in Japan, at least.”

 

“It  _ is _ a real thing, Niou-senpai. People like you are the reason why the Japanese scene doesn’t grow.”

 

“Kirihara, I hate to ruin your dreams even more, but English is the main language used in most competitive games. You barely passed English the year you graduated,” Yagyuu added.

 

“English isn’t hard, Yagyuu-senpai. I can learn!” Yagyuu rolled his eyes, but Kirihara failed to notice.

 

Sanada loomed over Kirihara with a murderous gaze. Kirihara just stared back with emotionless eyes. Seeing the fearlessness in his eyes, Sanada eased back, knowing he couldn’t intimidate Kirihara into staying.

 

“What did Yukimura say then?”

 

“I already told him, Sanada-fukubuchou. He didn’t say anything.”

 

Yagyuu coughed. “Are you sure you did not stay long enough to hear what he had to say, Kirihara?”

 

“Yes! I’m done. I quit. I hate tennis now.” Kirihara stormed out the door of the clubroom, leaving the other second years stunned at what just happened.

 

“Why in God’s name would he just quit? We just gave him a position as a sub because of the third-”

 

“The problem is more than that, Marui,” Yagyuu interjected. “We must’ve hurt his pride. Why else would he just leave?”

 

“Maybe we should ask Yukimura. He did say he already talked to him, piyo.”

 

Jackal looked around the room. “Wait, where is he?”

 

“That is odd. Seiichi is never late for a meeting.” Yanagi took out his phone to call Yukimura when Akaya burst through the door, breathless.

 

“Yukimura-buchou… Hinoka-san said he’s in the hospital,” he said, clearly exhausted from the distance he just ran.

 

The day Kirihara quit was also the day Yukimura’s condition came back.

* * *

Kirihara just stared at the last sentence he read. Yukimura was right about him, even though he refused to admit it. He felt a heavy sense of guilt, remembering the day he left.

 

‘ _ Lastly, I have a request. You’ll honour your dead former captain’s final request, right? _ ’

 

“Only if it’s reasonable, Yukimura-buchou.”

 

‘ _ I know you have feelings for Hinoka. Why else would you have her number and constantly be around her all the time, listening to her problems? Even I didn’t want to do that, but I was her older brother. I’m not asking for anything unreasonable, but for you to watch over her for me. If she feels the same way towards you, you better reciprocate. If I find out you hurt her in any way, I’ll rob you of your senses in some way. Or I’ll just get Sanada to hurt you. Whatever seems feasible. Hinoka means a lot to me and I entrust that you’ll take care of her for me. _ ’

* * *

The first day of Kirihara being a third year was also the day he felt the world come to a screeching halt. His day was normal and boring, as every other day in March. He woke up late, got ready late, hopped onto the train at the very last minute before it took off and arrived at school just before the bell that signals first period rang. Since it was the first day, he forgot that the annual opening ceremony would be happening, meaning he rushed for nothing. Fuming, he made his way up to the rooftop, where he met a familiar face and a not so familiar face. His anger dissipated the moment his gaze locked onto the unfamiliar person. His heart sank and his cheeks flushed slightly.

 

Kirihara regained his composure. “Hokama Sayumi, I didn’t know you’d be up here so late. I thought you were a good noodle.”

 

The familiar girl turned around and looked at Kirihara. “Oh, hey Kirihara.” She turned back to the other person and continued her conversation from before. “That’s Kirihara Akaya, the new captain of the tennis team.”

 

“Oh, I know. It’s hard to not know who Kirihara Akaya is,” the unfamiliar person replied. “My brother talked about him a lot.” Kirihara recognized the voice, but could not remember whose voice that was.

 

He walked up to them. “Do I know you from somewhere?”

 

“How rude of you, Kirihara. You didn’t even introduce yourself yet and you’re already asking questions.”

 

“Oi, you’re not my mom, Hokama.”

 

The unfamiliar girl giggled. “Did you really forget who I was, Akaya-senpai?”

 

Kirihara’s confusion grew more and more. “Yes! Who are you?”

 

The girl opened her mouth to say something, but Sayumi quickly interrupted. “She’s not going to tell you because you should remember if you knew her from before, Kirihara.”

 

“What the hell gives you the right to do that, Hokama?”

 

“You’ll find out sooner or later, Kirihara.” Sayumi bent down to grab the watering can by her feet. “Well, Hinoka-chan, let’s get back to the mini lesson, shall we?” She turned to look at Kirihara. “You can leave now. You’re interrupting the meeting of the  _ new _ beautification committee.”

 

“Fine, fine. I’ll see you later at the opening ceremony or something,” Kirihara muttered as he left.

 

After organizing a scouting group for the tennis team, Kirihara escaped the rest of his duties to come back to the rooftop. Yukimura was happily conversing with Sayumi and the mysterious girl from before.

 

“Ah! There you are, Akaya. I had a feeling you would show up here. Being irresponsible and neglecting your duties already?”

 

“Yukimura-buchou!”

 

Sayumi snorted. “I told you that he was a terrible choice, Seiichi. Why don’t you ever listen to me?”

 

“I should be asking myself that when I made you the new head of the committee, Sayumi. Rather, I should be asking myself why  _ did _ I make you the head of the committee? You’re killing the succulent bed.  _ Again _ .”

 

“Har har har, Seiichi. I’m responsible and you’re literally in the next building if you need to check on your poor desert plants.”

 

“Botany is a serious science, Sayumi. I expect you to teach my little sister everything she needs to know.”

 

Kirihara looked at Yukimura confused. “Little sister?”

 

Yukimura turned his attention to Kirihara. “You forgot about Hinoka already? I mean, she dyed her hair red and cut it really short and started wearing red contacts, but anyone could tell it’s her.”

 

“Wait, what?” Kirihara quickly gazed at the girl, then back to Yukimura, then back to the girl. Suddenly, the memories just clicked in his mind as his jaw dropped open wide. “Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?”

 

“Seiichi-niichan, Akaya-senpai completely forgot about me…” Hinoka formed some fake tears in her eyes and sniffled. “Belphegor must’ve turned me into a demon…”

 

Yukimura rolled his eyes. “You’re all hopeless. Whatever will I do with you guys?”

 

Kirihara knew from that moment onwards that he was walking on thin ice. Every time he would see her in the halls, his chest would start to hurt and his stomach would flip over on itself multiple times. He had been getting more and more distracted as the days flew by. The next time Yukimura checked in on him, Kirihara was stuck in a trance he could not snap out of until Yukimura had to shake him violently to the point where he accidentally triggered Kirihara’s bloodshot mode.

 

Kirihara grabbed Yukimura’s neck in a rage before realizing what he did. He quickly let go and snapped out of his trance. 

 

“Yukimura-buchou! I didn't mean to-”

 

Yukimura raised his hand as he rubbed the area with the other one. “It's okay, Akaya.” Yukimura took out his water bottle and took a swig before coughing a little. “What has gotten into you? You're so distracted that the rest of the team is complaining to me about you. “

 

“I'm sorry. I don't know what wrong with me.”

 

Yukimura leaned in and stared down Kirihara before laughing. “I see it now. You're in love, Akaya.”

 

Kirihara’s face became flushed. “What?! No way! Nuh! Kirihara Akaya does not fall in love!”

 

“I won't make you admit  _ who _ it is, but you really should clear up these feelings, Akaya. You’re making everyone around you worry.”

 

Kirihara sighed. “I wish I could admit who, Yukimura-buchou. I don't think it would be a good idea, so I’ll learn to let go.”

 

Yukimura concentrated on Kirihara’s words before reverting back to his usual demeanor. “Then I do expect you to lead the team to the top again, Akaya.”

 

Kirihara couldn't admit that he fell hopelessly in love with Yukimura Hinoka all because of his relationship with her older brother. He suppressed his feelings for her despite the many advances she would make.

* * *

Kirihara’s face was a literal mess of tears and snot, but he failed to notice this happen as he reached the final page of the letter.

 

‘ _ You need to believe in yourself, Akaya. Perseverance is the only way you’ll ever find success. It was an honour to be your captain for the two short years you played with me. Please, go comfort Hinoka. She really needs you the most right now. May we meet again, in a better life. Farewell, Kirihara Akaya. -Yukimura Seiichi _ ’

 

Kirihara crumpled the letter up in his hands and howled as his snot and tears trickled down his face. The utter shock from finishing the letter got to him. Yukimura Seiichi was gone and he never had the chance to see him before he left. He continued to wail loudly until a hooded figure walked up and sat beside him. They lifted their hood and much to Kirihara’s surprise, it was Yukimura Hinoka. Hinoka pulled out a packet of tissues, took one out and wiped up his face.

 

“Akaya-senpai, please don’t howl like a wolf. It’s really late at night and someone’s going to call the police on you.”

 

Kirihara took the tissue from Hinoka and blew his nose strongly. He sniffled afterwards and took another tissue to clean up. “Hinoka-san, why are you out here so late? It’s dangerous to be by yourself.”

 

“I was going to say the same thing to you, Akaya-senpai. To be honest, I couldn’t really sleep, so I snuck out.” Hinoka looked out into the distance, not focused on any specific point with her empty eyes. “I’m assuming you missed the last train back?”

 

Kirihara still sniffled a little. “Yeah.”

 

“Why are you crying, Akaya-senpai?”

 

Kirihara sighed. “It’s complicated, Hinoka-san.”

 

“I’m not busy right now. I can listen.”

 

Kirihara smiled sadly. “You’re too kind, Hinoka-san, but it’s not something I should be troubling you with.”

 

Hinoka turned her attention to Kirihara. “Well, if you don’t want to say anything, may I?”

 

“Go ahead. I’m all ears.”

 

Hinoka sighed, but Kirihara noted the slight tremble in her breathing. “Seiichi-niichan wrote me a letter before he died.”

 

Kirihara’s eyes widened, but he didn’t say anything about his letter. “He did? What did it say?”

 

Hinoka hugged her knees. “A lot of things. It was really hard to read. I can’t bring myself to read it again because it hurts so much.” Her breathing started to get faster as her navy blue eyes welled up. “I miss him, Akaya-senpai. I miss Seiichi-niichan. I wish I got to say goodbye but- but-”

 

Unconsciously, Kirihara wrapped his arm around her and pulled her in. Hinoka buried her face into his jacket and sobbed uncontrollably. His own frustrations and sadness flowed out with her. “I know, Hinoka-san. I know.”

 

Kirihara stared up at the sky. Though the flaming passion for tennis was gone, he was more determined than ever to complete his goal now. The stray star in the night sky twinkled softly and all he could do was nod. Turning his attention back to Hinoka, he closed his eyes and concentrated on his breathing. 

 

“ _ I swear I’ll protect Hinoka for you, Yukimura-buchou, _ ” he thought to himself. He opened his eyes again to see Hinoka calming down. “It's late. I'll walk you back home.”

 

Hinoka finished wiping her face with the last tissue in the packet. They got up and started heading towards the spacious estate. Kirihara’s heart felt like it was sinking more and more with each step he took. As they approached Hinoka’s home, she held Kirihara’s hand and lead them inside. Confused, Kirihara looked at her. She motioned towards the couch and they sat down together. Hinoka clinged onto his arm and they sat in silence. Kirihara decided to break the silence.

 

“Hinoka-san-”

 

“I like you, Akaya-senpai,” she whispered, making sure not to wake up her parents.

 

Lost for words, Kirihara could only muster a sound that signalled his confusion.

 

“I like you, Akaya-senpai. Why is that hard to understand?”

 

Kirihara sighed. “Look, Hinoka-san, I know I’m crazy for saying this, but you’re not thinking straight. You don’t like me. You’re just stricken with grief to think rationally.”

 

“I’m not. Don’t you like me too, Akaya-senpai?”

 

Kirihara looked at her. “I do, Hinoka-san. I do. I’ve always liked you, but I can’t. Not like this.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I can’t do this. My former captain just died and the love of my life, who also happened to be his little sister, is confessing her feelings to me. How can I be selfish like this? This isn’t my story we’re telling here right now; it’s your brother’s.” Kirihara took a big breath. “I’m sorry, Hinoka-san. I can’t return your feelings right now.” He held her face and planted a light peck on her lips. “If you still feel the same after the funeral and you had more time to think about it, then I’ll return your feelings. Right now, I made a promise to your brother and I can’t break it.”

 

Hinoka stared at Kirihara with her watery eyes. “Are you saying that I don’t deserve to be happy? That you don’t deserve to be happy?”

 

Kirihara sighed. He stood up and turned to look at her before picking her up and taking her up to her room. The utter shock from the entire situation, coupled with the hours of sleep deprivation made Hinoka completely silent the entire time. Kirihara opened the door to her bedroom and placed her onto the bed. He loomed over her as he pinned her arms down. 

 

“If this was any other day of the week, I’d be jumping at this chance. You need to understand that you’re tired and not thinking straight. Please, just get some sleep and we’ll talk about it tomorrow.”

 

Hinoka trembled under the strength of his grip. “You’re hurting me.” Kirihara let go of her wrists and sat down on the side of the springy mattress with his back facing her. She slung her arms around his shoulders. “Please, don’t leave. I’m so alone right now…”

 

Kirihara held onto her hands. “I know. I promised your brother I wouldn’t leave you alone.” He turned around and held her in his arms as they both laid down on her bed. She curled up close to his chest and cried for the umpteenth time before the deprivation caught up to her. Kirihara only watched as he felt his eyelids give in shortly after Hinoka had already drifted to sleep.


	5. Atobe Keigo

After Yanagi left Kirihara to his own devices, he promptly went home. Exhausted from what happened the past 48 hours, he secluded himself in his room. Looking through the pile of letters he still had, one envelope stood out from the rest; the one addressed to Atobe Keigo. The whole aesthetic feel to the letter was tailored to Atobe’s tastes. The thin, gold foil border around the edge of the front of the sleek, navy blue paper with a golden wax seal on the back was just something that only Atobe would know how to appreciate. Yanagi stared at the way the seal shimmered in his dimly lit room. He pulled out his cell phone and quickly punched in a number.

 

“Renji,” the person on the other side answered, as if he was expecting the call.

 

“Sadaharu.”

 

“I have heard of Yukimura-san passing not too long ago. My condolences.”

 

“Thank you, Sadaharu.”

 

“Was there something else you wanted to speak to me about?”

 

“Indeed. Sadaharu, do you know how I can get a letter to Hyoutei’s Atobe Keigo in as little time as possible?”

 

Yanagi could hear the smile forming on Inui’s face. “Of course. Atobe Keigo always has someone in every part of this country.”

 

Yanagi listened carefully to Inui as he explained in meticulous detail about the location of one of Atobe’s servants. Quietly taking mental notes, he felt slightly exhausted from the amount of details he needed to remember. 

 

_ ‘This feels like some strange story filled with plot holes written by someone who is not good at writing at all,’ _ Yanagi thought to himself.

* * *

The next day, Atobe Keigo woke up devoid of all energy and willpower. He tried to force himself out of bed, only to fall onto the ground. His butler, Michael, was waiting by his bedside as he fell.

 

“It’s way too early to get up…” Atobe muttered.

 

“Good morning, Young Master Keigo.”

 

Atobe groaned as he continued to lay on the cold carpet. “Good morning, Michael.”

 

“Do you require assistance, Young Master Keigo?”

 

Atobe sighed as he pulled himself up. “I am fine, Michael. Please tell me I have nothing planned for today.”

 

“I am afraid you have already made prior obligations to pick out your attire for the funeral.”

 

Atobe felt slightly annoyed that he had forgotten. Ever since Yukimura passed, he hasn’t been feeling like his normal self. Atobe knew the death was sudden and suspicious. He knew more about Yukimura’s condition than even Yanagi and the amount of money his family made would have been more than enough to afford good medication and treatment. Yet, despite all of this, Yukimura was dead. A part of Atobe couldn’t accept that. A part of Atobe refused to believe that the doctors simply let him die.

 

“When is the appointment?”

 

“In five hours, thirteen minutes and eleven seconds.”

 

Atobe got up and dragged himself to his enormous closet to try and dress himself. If there’s one thing he hated more than his prior obligations, it was not looking his best for said obligations. Despite his hatred for these things, he was also the son of a wealthy and influential Japanese businessman. Not honouring his prior commitments was something he couldn’t do.

 

“I don’t even know what to wear.”

 

“It is quite a warm and sunny day today, Young Master Keigo. Might I suggest a sky blue dress shirt and khaki capris and black slip-ons?”

 

“Oh screw it. I’ll take your suggestion Michael.”

 

Michael smiled slightly. “Glad I could be of assistance, Young Master Keigo. Might I suggest using the bathroom first before you get dressed?”

 

Atobe sighed as he rubbed his eyes. “Today is just not my day, Michael.”

 

“I had a feeling, Young Master. Is the death in the Yukimura residence bothering you?”

 

“Yes! It’s just not like Yukimura Seiichi to give up like that! Something must’ve happened to him and I won’t rest well until I figure out.”

 

Michael gave Atobe a concerning look. “Perhaps the young master-”

 

“No, Michael. Yukimura Seiichi would never be the type to take his own life. That’s just unthinkable.”

 

“That is not what I was implying, Young Master Keigo. We do not know for certain.” Seeing this as an opportunity, Michael changed the subject. He glanced at his silver-plated wristwatch, noting that a considerable amount of time has passed. “My! It’s almost 11. I shall leave you alone whilst you prepare yourself for the day, Young Master Keigo.” Michael bowed before quickly exiting through the large doors to Atobe’s bedroom.

 

Atobe dragged himself into the bathroom. He promptly stripped and stepped into the shower, turning the cold water on. It didn’t bother him that the water was freezing. It was his weird way of thinking about important things in life. The cold water can bring him back to reality when he becomes lost in his thoughts.

 

“There’s no way he could. That’s not like him at all.”

 

His thoughts started to drift off to the moment he first met the azure-haired boy.

* * *

It was another one of those “special dinners” that Atobe’s father was planning. This time, it was between the company and a new and emerging advertising company. Though Atobe only knew that the advertising company was being run by an old friend of his father’s, he knew he had to be on his best behaviour. He decided it was a good day to try and dress himself for the dinner, even though he wouldn’t be eating with them. His only job for the night was to keep the child of the friend company while their parents talked about an important deal.

 

“Remember, Keigo, these people are very old and good friends of mine. Try not to have too much fun that you leave a bad impression with them,” Atobe’s father, Keisuke, said as he finished adjusting his tie in the mirror.

 

“Of course, father.”

 

Atobe's mother, Shizuka, fussed around with his hair, trying to make the loose strands stay in place. “You may have dressed yourself properly, but you really should learn how to manage your own hair, Keigo.” She sighed as her attempts to tame the beast on his head failed miserably.

 

“Oh, stop bothering with his hair, Shizuka. He looks fine.”

 

“You know I can't do that, Keisuke. Just look at it.”

 

One of the butlers poked their head into the room. “The Yukimuras have arrived, Master Keisuke.” 

 

“Already? That was quick.” Keisuke turned to face the butler. “We will be down there soon.”

 

The butler nodded their head and went back to the foyer. The three of them followed suit quickly afterwards. In the foyer, a man with striking blue hair stood talking with another woman and a child. Keisuke grinned and headed towards the man with open arms.

 

“Shuya! It's been so long,” Keisuke exclaimed as he went in for a hug. “How have you been?”

 

“Jeez, Keisuke. You've been letting yourself go,” the man replied. “Shizuka-san, I am deeply sorry that you have to put up with him,” he said sarcastically. 

 

Shizuka smiled. “Don't worry about it, Shuya-san. I wouldn't have it any other way.”

 

“Hey now. You're the one to talk. You look like a zombie with those ugly circles under your eyes!” 

 

The woman chuckled slightly. “Oh, you are such a brute, Keisuke-san. Shuya looks fine the way he is.”

 

A young, mildly androgynous child stood beside Yukimura Shuya, looking very confused. Atobe approached the child and bowed. “I’m Atobe Keigo.”

 

The other child bowed as well. “I’m Yukimura Seiichi.”

 

That night was the first and last night Atobe saw the young Yukimura child. Soon after, he left for England and did not return to Japan until the start of middle school.

* * *

Thankfully, he was snapped out of his trance by a knock on the bathroom door. An hour had passed, though Atobe felt like it had only been a few minutes since he stepped in. Sighing, he turned off the water and shivered as the cool breeze coming from the gap underneath the door sent a chill down his spine. He went back to his closet and put on Michael’s outfit suggestion for the appointment later on and walked downstairs. 

 

One of the maids turned her head and noticed him walking down the stairs. “Will you be eating breakfast today, Young Master Keigo?” 

 

“I don’t think I will. I’m not feeling too well.”

 

The maid nodded and returned back to the kitchen to inform the chefs. Atobe’s dog, Beat, approached him from behind and started to lick his hand. Atobe bent down and began to scratch behind Beat’s ears. “If only my life could be as easy as your’s.” 

 

As Atobe continued to dote on his dog, the doorbell suddenly chimed. Michael walked past the two to answer the door. One of Atobe’s servants who was usually in Yokohama greeted Michael. The two at the door exchanged a few words before the servant handed over a blue envelope to Michael and left briskly. Michael closed the door and walked towards Atobe.

 

“A special letter for you, Young Master Keigo.” Michael gingerly handed the letter over. 

 

Atobe gracefully accepted it. He started to analyze the small details on the letter, noticing that the golden wax seal holding it shut was poorly done. “Who could this be from?”

 

“The letter is from Yanagi Renji-san, according to the sources. I am afraid I have no other information other than this letter must be in your hands as swiftly as possible, Young Master Keigo.”

 

“Yanagi-san? Why would someone like him waste my resources to get a letter to me?” Atobe studied the handwriting of his name on the front of the letter, noting that the strokes were fairly shaky. “This does not look like Yanagi-san’s handwriting.”

 

An alarm on Michael’s phone went off. “Dear me, it looks like it is time to head to the appointment, Young Master Keigo. if you will excuse me, I shall go bring the car up front for you.” He bowed before disappearing. 

 

Atobe took one more glance at the letter before stuffing it into his pocket hastily and walking out the door and getting into the car. “Let’s get this done as soon as possible.” The driver nodded as he began to head towards the front entrance of the estate.

* * *

Atobe’s suit fitting took longer than expected mostly because his body has gotten slightly less healthy than the last time he was there. Exhausted, he retired to his room as soon as he got home. Despite his growing abdominal pains from hunger, he couldn’t bring himself to bother eating. Sighing, Atobe collapsed into his soft, pillowy comforters. He felt something scratching his right thigh and reached into his pocket to pull out the blue envelope from earlier. 

 

“Why would Yanagi-san send this? Should I even bother opening it?”

 

Curiosity influenced him enough to turn the envelope over and break the poorly applied gold seal. He carefully removed the papers inside and set the envelope on the table beside his bed. He propped himself up and opened the thick stack of papers.

 

‘ _ Atobe Keigo, you have really let yourself go. _ ’

 

“A letter written to insult me? That is very atypical of Yanagi-san.”

 

‘ _ I do hope Yanagi found a way to get this letter to you as quickly as possible. I can’t keep someone like you in the dark because your ego is so fragile. _ ’

 

Atobe concentrated on the handwriting to figure out who wrote the letter. The handwriting was very shaky and unclean, yet had some sort of elegance to it. It felt too familiar to him, but yet he was unable to figure out who it could be.

 

‘ _ I also should apologize. My handwriting is terrible, but please forgive me for being so sick that I can’t write. _ ’

 

Suddenly it clicked. “Yukimura Seiichi. How dare you insult me post mortem?” Atobe smirked as he continued to read.

 

‘ _ I hope this letter set is to your liking. It was very expensive and annoying to obtain while I was losing my ability to walk and do anything in general. I tried my best to make it look as nice as I possibly could, but I probably failed to in the end. _ ’

 

“I suppose there is no harm in forgiving you, but I won’t let you forget it either.”

 

‘ _ Now then, where do I begin? I don't have much to talk about, but I should start with something good. You were not always such an asshat, but middle school changed you a lot. I remember when Hyoutei and Rikkai met during the Kanto Regionals. I’m sure you do as well. _ ’

 

A sad smile crept onto Atobe’s face. “How could I forget?”

* * *

It was just another day at the Kanto regionals. Nothing was out of the ordinary, but due to bad seeding, a third round match between Hyoutei and Rikkai was set to take place within a few hours. Everyone was dreading the match, including a very young Atobe Keigo. It was his first Kanto regionals and he was determined to emerge victorious. Even so, his heart was heavy as he was to go up against the monsters from Rikkai so early in the tournament. It was decided that the final singles match was going to be between Atobe and Rikkai’s new captain, the young Yukimura Seiichi. It had been years since Atobe last saw Yukimura and he was quite content and disheartened to be meeting him again in a place like this. Sighing, Atobe watched the other third round matches while he waits for his to start. 

 

“How much longer until our match starts? I have no time or patience to wait for these low-skilled commoners to finish their match,” he muttered to himself.

 

“There’s still another hour until our schools face each other, Atobe Keigo,” a voice called out behind him.

 

Atobe turned around on the heels of his feet. “Who said that?” A familiar, feminine blue-haired figure caught his attention. “Yukimura Seiichi. It has been a long time.”

 

“Likewise, Atobe-san.”

 

“I would like to congratulate you for becoming the new captain of the Rikkai tennis team.”

 

“And I you. I hear you caused quite the stir during the opening ceremony as the freshmen representative.”

 

“Naturally. A king must make his grand entrance during his coronation after all.”

 

Yukimura laughed softly. “You have changed a lot, Atobe-san. Let’s see how well your team will hold up to mine.”

 

Atobe scoffed slightly. “The winner will be Hyoutei under my leadership.”

 

“I wouldn’t count on that, but regardless, I wish you the best of luck.” Yukimura held out his hand. 

 

Atobe grabbed his dainty and elegant hand and shook it firmly. “Whoever wins this match will win the regionals.”

 

Later that day, Hyoutei suffered a crushing defeat without winning a single game to the monsters of Rikkai. Atobe and Yukimura did not get to meet on the court after all.

* * *

’ _ Naturally, Rikkai won. Anything less than victory is a complete failure that I would not tolerate. You did not handle defeat as easily as I thought you would. Perhaps it was the nature of how you lost that made it difficult to stomach. _ ’

 

“Not a single game was won. I didn’t even get to play.”

 

‘ _ That day, I learned just how much you have changed. I’m not sure what happened in England to make you like this, but damn, it’s annoying as fuck. I shouldn’t be the one complaining though since I also was arrogant back then. Maybe not as flamboyant as you were with your arrogance, but still. _ ’

 

Atobe scoffed. “What do you know at all, Yukimura Seiichi?”

 

‘ _ You got worse after that loss. Remember the year after at the same regionals? It was like our meeting at the finals was destined. I never knew someone like you could get worse in such a short period of time. You were so hungry for the victory back then. _ ’

* * *

The Kanto regionals the year after saw a final between Hyoutei and Rikkai. Both teams breezed through all the rounds leading up to the fateful encounter. Arrogance and pride were brimming from both teams as they were both expected to face off in the finals. Being the favourites would bring lots of pressure to children this age, but the pressure seemed to make the both of them come out on top. Both student bodies from the respective schools were out in full force, shouting cheers and bringing up the energy and morale of each team. Yukimura’s calm demeanor as he discussed tactics differed completely from the pride plastered on Atobe’s.

 

“You are way too self-absorbed, Atobe,” Oshitari Yuushi sighed.

 

“Nonsense, Oshitari. The winner will be Hyoutei.” 

 

“The winner will not be Hyoutei if you do not get over here and talk strategy with the team.”

 

Atobe scoffed. “There’s no such thing as strategy in tennis. It’s all about skill and technique. We are not planning for a war, Oshitari. We are merely battling.”

 

“And battles happen in  _ wars _ . We need to discuss a game plan, Atobe.”

 

“Why would we have to? We already submitted our lineup. We know what the matchups will be. There’s nothing left to do other than to be excellent during the match.”

 

Oshitari sighed and rubbed his temples. “You really are something, Atobe…”

 

Deep inside, there was a seed of doubt within Atobe as well as a burning flame for revenge against Yukimura. He felt the obligation to win this match, which is creating an immense amount of pressure for himself. He was unaware of what he was doing to himself the more he fumed over this situation. Soon enough, he was lost in his own madness while the rest of his team struggled to take even one game off of their demonic opponents. He finally snapped out of his trance when he heard his name being called up to play.

 

“Atobe! Snap out of it and get your ass out on the court!” 

 

Atobe scoffed. “I’m going. No need to remind me.”

 

“ _ Now announcing the Singles 2 matchup: Rikkai’s Yukimura Seiichi versus Hyoutei’s Atobe Keigo. _ ”

 

Yukimura slowly walked onto the court with his usual smiling demeanour. “It’s been a while, Atobe.”

 

“Likewise, Yukimura.” 

 

“You seem pressured. How unusual for you.”

 

“Me? Pressured? Hardly.”

 

Yukimura chuckled. “If you say so. Let’s put on a show for the crowd. They’ve been bored by the last two 6-0 sets.”

 

“The winner will be Hyoutei, Yukimura. Let’s not hold back.”

 

Within the blink of an eye, the first game goes swiftly to Yukimura. Atobe quickly retaliated by taking the next game off of the fearless, azure-haired boy. The set quickly continues with each respective captain trading points and games until they both reach an impasse at 5-5. Both were quickly tiring out, but Yukimura had yet to reveal his trump cards.

 

“I’m quite impressed, Atobe. You really have improved,” Yukimura commented.

 

Atobe shot an annoyed look at him. “You’re going easy on me. Is this a joke to you, Yukimura?”

 

“Hardly. I just have no need to show you my true strength.”

 

“Treating me like a mere commoner? How pathetic.” Atobe picked up the ball, preparing to serve. “If you won’t reveal yourself, I’ll just have to force it out of you!” He hit the ball directly down towards Yukimura’s feet, but it was gracefully returned to the other side. Atobe ran quickly for the ball and hit it, only to feel absolutely nothing in his hand. His weak return allowed Yukimura to approach the net and smash the ball, retrieving the first point of the game.

 

‘ _ What was that just now? I couldn’t even feel the ball hit my racket. What’s going on? _ ’

 

Annoyed, Atobe hit another serve towards the other side, but he had yet to regain feeling in his hand. As Yukimura returned the serve, the familiar sound of the ball hitting the racket faded into white noise. 

 

‘ _ What’s happening to my hearing? What is going on? _ ’

 

The crowd stared in confusion. Looks of worry were plastered on the faces of the Hyoutei team. This was very out of character for Atobe. He looked as if he had never played a single game in his life. Yanagi and Sanada exchanged glances as they have both accepted what is about to happen.

 

“I never thought it would be Atobe Keigo, of all people,” Yanagi whispered to Sanada.

 

Sanada just nodded as he continued to watch. The two of them knew what was coming, but couldn’t take their eyes off for a single second.

 

“What’s wrong, Atobe? Is this truly the strength of Hyoutei’s beloved captain?” Yukimura taunted as Atobe served again. He was losing his sense of reality as the game progressed. 

 

“I can’t believe this,” Oshitari interjected. “He has the yips.”

 

“Atobe? Yips? Impossible!” Shishido retorted. 

 

“Just look at him. This must be the true strength of the so-called ‘Child of the Gods’.”

 

Soon enough, Atobe collapsed to his knees, unable to see a thing. He was out of options and lost for what to do. Yukimura smiled and got into serving position for the next game. As the pressure kept mounting, Atobe suddenly felt chills run down his spine as he stood up. Unable to accept defeat, he let out a manic cry, which caught everyone by surprise. The scream followed by a sinister laugh.

 

“How pathetic. This is your true strength, Yukimura?! Stealing my senses until I can’t do a damn thing? You really are something.”

 

Yukimura didn’t say anything and just served the ball to start the next game. As the ball rushed past Atobe’s head, he could suddenly see again, albeit the view was quite strange.

 

“15-0!” 

 

The world Atobe saw was quite dark and grey. He could make out the faintest outline of Yukimura on the other side, but that outline was surrounded by massive ice crystals sticking out from the court. All he could do was stare in awe at the sight of this ‘world’ as the next serve flew past him.

 

“30-0!”

 

With a smirk, Atobe braced himself for the next serve towards him. Yukimura aimed for his left side, which Atobe returned back, aiming at one of the ice crystals. As the ball hit the crystal, it shattered. Yukimura couldn’t even see the ball as it came back at him.

 

“30-15!”

 

“Oh? It seems like you got your vision back, Atobe.”

 

Atobe smirked. “What are you saying? My vision didn’t  _ just _ come back. It got better.”

* * *

 

‘ _ I never planned on revealing my true nature until much later, but you were just so arrogant. I knew you’d never let me live it down if I didn’t use my full strength when you were putting everything into the match. Turns out you had a skill too and it backfired on me. Well, almost backfired on me, I should say. I don’t even think you realized you had this skill either. What did you even call it again? I can never remember these ridiculous names. Something with ‘ice’? Not that it matters anymore.’ _

 

Atobe chuckled softly. “Even though you’re dead, you still manage to run that damn mouth of yours.”

 

_ ‘I was rather shocked that it took my cursed abilities to activate your true potential. It helped you in the end. Brought us to a tiebreaker, only for me to win. Regardless, it was a very close match. Almost fun in a sense. I just wish it wasn’t my last match before my Guillain-Barre decided to rear its ugly head.’ _

 

A frown began to form on his face.

 

_ ‘I’m almost certain now that you’re questioning the circumstances around my death. After all, this letter is quite suspicious, don’t you think? How would I know that my time is near?’ _

 

Atobe quickly flipped to the next page.

 

_ ‘I knew the medicine was failing. If it was working, I would be feeling pain and quite a lot of it. The fact that I can barely feel the pen i’m using to write this means it’s not working. My time was coming to an end and I just knew it.’ _

 

A shiver went down his spine and he continued to read.

 

_ ‘It just seems unnatural to suffer painlessly. Normally, when you can’t breathe, you feel pain. When you’re dying, you can feel pain. I can’t feel anything. I knew my lungs were giving up, but I don’t feel the same kind of feeling one would get when they’re suffocating. Every cough and gasp for air felt like nothing. Doesn’t that just seem unnatural?’ _

 

Confused, Atobe strained his eyes to make out the shaky strokes in Yukimura’s writing.

 

_ ‘Humans are fickle creatures. We don’t want to feel pain, but the ability to feel pain is a sign that we’re alive and that we can sense danger around us. What does that make me? I can’t feel anything. Is it unnatural to want to feel pain? Is it unnatural for me to want to feel pain as I die?’ _

 

He flipped to the last page of the letter, but by then, the writing was barely legible.

 

_ ‘I guess I’ll never find out that answer. I probably just suffocated to death and I didn’t even feel a thing. Everyone wants a painless death, but I couldn’t disagree more. To be able to feel your own death just seems like a “human” thing to experience, yeah? The again, was I ever really a human? I wonder.’ _

 

Confused, Atobe kept reading.

 

_ ‘Oh well. Enough of my rambling. This is my farewell to you. I mostly wrote this so you wouldn’t be offended for not getting one. You have always been a good acquaintance to me, Atobe Keigo. A very formidable opponent when you weren’t caught up in your massive ego. You’d be a much better player if you toned that down by a lot. Not that I’ll be able to test that theory out anymore. Last I heard, you’ve given up tennis competitively and I’m dead, so there goes that. What a shame.’ _

 

He folded up the letter and tossed it onto his desk. “I’ll make sure you pay for this, Yukimura Seiichi. Mark my words, I’ll make sure to kick your ass in Heaven someday,” he smiled fondly as his eyes began to water. He rubbed his eyes and walked out of his room, only to be greeted by Michael yet again.

 

“You seem to be in better spirits, Young Master Keigo.”

 

“Yes, I am. I’m going to make Yukimura Seiichi pay for what he’s done.”

 

Michael looked at him surprised. “I am not quite sure I follow.”

 

Atobe let out his characteristic laugh. “You don’t need to, Michael. I know exactly what I’m going to do, but it’ll have to wait for a very long time.” He walked over to one of his storage rooms and pulled out his dusty and old tennis bag. He pulled out his old racket and began to check the tension on the string and the overall condition of it. 

 

“Young Master…”

 

“In the meanwhile, I’m going to go practice. I’ll be in the usual spot if you need me.” He put the racket back in his bag and swung it over his shoulder. He headed for the stairs and walked out of the estate.

 

“Welcome back, Young Master Keigo,” Michael sighed with relief.

* * *

 

Later in the night, Yanagi was preparing his funeral attire for tomorrow. He hung his newly, dry cleaned blazer and trousers on the back of his bedroom door. Sighing, he slipped the stack of letters into the inner lining pocket.

 

“Here’s to hoping I can get all of these off of my hands tomorrow.”

 

He did some light stretches before shutting off his desk lamp and going to sleep. He mentally prepared himself to say goodbye one final time before the exhaustion took over.


End file.
